Your own personal expectations will absolutely color your visit to any bar. I know this from experience. Like everyone, I’ve brought expectations to a situation that did not pan out, and I’ve found it’s better when I don’t.

As I do research for my book Great Good Places of New York (to be published by Rizzoli in spring 2018) I have a crappy bar experience now and again. In my last post I went over some of the ways that bars can mess the bed; things like poor service, bad odors and lousy music. But there’s another factor in the crapification of a bar: you.

Personal Expectations: The Enemy Within

As with nearly everything in life, your experiences are affected by your personal expectations. In fact, according to the Buddha, expectations lead to suffering. So choose to avoid suffering. Be open to discovering what a place is instead of making assumptions. For example, I would have never expected the Hi-Life on the Upper West Side to have an excellent little sushi bar in back. It looks like an old-timey neighborhood beer and burger joint. But sushi? Well, why not? It’s fun. Why not expect the unexpected when you walk into a new place? Or, better yet, have no expectations at all. Your expectations (or lack of them) will directly affect your perception of the bar you’re in. Zero expectations will generally yield a less crappy experience. You can’t be disappointed by expecting nothing in particular.

It’s part of that living in the moment idea. Be Here Now, and all that. The present is almost always pretty good, or at least tolerable. Imposing expectations upon it (anticipations for the unformed future) is where things go sideways. The weather, other people, music at a bar; the more you expect them to be one way the more bummed out you’ll be when (inevitably) they turn out to be another. You have limited ability to affect these things anyway. Ease up.

My point is this: to most enjoy a bar (or life for that matter), manage your personal expectations by having as few as possible. Yes, it’s sensible to choose a bar that suits your mood at a particular time on a particular day. You want quiet conversation with a friend? McSorley’s in the EV might be perfect on a weekday afternoon, but not so much on a Friday night, when it’s loud and loaded with tourists and college kids. If it’s a perfectly crafted cocktail you crave, a dive bar probably isn’t the right place for you — though I will say I’ve been surprised a few times. You can’t always judge a book by its Bud Light neon.

But in most cases, if you just chill out, be present and roll with it, you’ll probably have a decent time whether stuck at the airport in Wichita or meeting friends at a bar they chose on the Upper East Side that has two initials and an apostrophe-O in its name.

As I research places for my book, I’m constantly on the lookout for favorite neighborhood bars (non-crappy ones, if I may betray my expectations). Have any favorites in New York City? I’m covering all five boroughs, to their farthest reaches. Let me know if a place comes to mind, and why you like it! Hey, who knows? Your favorite place might end up in the book!